It all started when I was 6 years old. While I was
playing outside on my farm in California, I met a
boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased
you and then you chased them and beat them up.
After that first meeting in which I beat him up we
kept on meeting and beating each other up at the
fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We
would meet at the fence all the time and we were
always together.

I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet
he would just listen to what I had to say. I found
him
easy to talk to and I could talk to him about
everything. In school we had separate friends but
when we got home we would always talk about
what happened in school. One day I said to him
that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He
just comforted me and said everything would be
okay. He gave me words of encouragement and
helped me get over him. I was happy and thought
of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was
something else about him that I liked. I thought of it
that night and figured it was just a friend kinda
thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even through
graduation we're always together and of course I
thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep
inside that I really felt differently. On graduation
night even though we had different dates to the
prom I wanted to be with him. That night after
everybody went home I went to his house and
wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well,
that night was my big chance and all I did was just
sit there with him watching the stars and talking
about what I was going to do and what he was
going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to
him talk about what his dream was. How he
wanted to get married and settle down. He said
how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I
could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle
next
to him.

I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I
was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved
him but I was too scared and frightened. I let my
feelings go and told myself that someday I would
tell him just how I felt. All through college I wanted
to tell him but he always had someone with him.
After graduation he got a job in New York, I was
happy for him but at the same time I was sad to
see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell
him how I felt. But I couldn't let him know now that
he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to
myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried
as
I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last
time. I went home that night and cried my eyes
out.
I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my
heart.



Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked
my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what
I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an
invitation to a marriage. It was from him, I was
happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I
could never be with him and that we could only be
friends. I went to the wedding the next month. It
was a big occasion. The big church wedding and
the reception at the hotel. I met the bride and of
course him. I fell in love one more time. But I held
back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the
happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night
but it was killing me inside watching him being so
happy and me trying to be happy covering up my
sadness tears inside of me.

I left New York feeling that I did the right thing.
Before I left on the flight, he came running out of
nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was
very happy to see me. I came home and just tried
to forget about what went on in New York. I had to
go on with my life. As the years went on, we wrote
to each other on what was going on and how he
had missed talking to me. On one occasion he
never wrote back to me at all. I was getting
worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a
long time after I had already written 6 letters to
him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless
and sad in my life, I got a note that said: "meet me
at the fence where we used to talk about things". I
went and saw him there. I was happy to see him,
but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We
hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore.

Then he told me about the divorce and why he
hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he
couldn't cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the
house and talked and laughed about what I had
been going and to catch up on old times. But in all
of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the
days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all
his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again
with
him. When it came time for him to leave back to
New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated
to see him leave. He promised to see me every
time he could get a vacation. I couldn't wait for him
to come so I could be with him. We would always
have fun when we were together.

One day he didn't show up like he said he would. I
figured that he might have been busy. The days
turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I
got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The
lawyer said that he had died in a car accident
going to the airport. And that it took this long till
everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was
shocked about what took place. Now I knew why
he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-
hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness
and heartache. Asking questions why did this
happen to a kind guy like him?

I gathered my things and went to New York for the
reading of his will. Of course, things were given to
his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her
since the last time we met at the wedding. She
explained to me how he was and how he always
provided. But he was always unhappy. She would
always try everything but she couldn't get him
happy, as he was that night at their wedding.
When the will was read, the one thing that was
given to me was a diary. It was a diary that of his
life. I cried as it was given to me. I didn't know
what to think. Why was this given to me? I took it
and flew back to California. As I flew on the plane I
remembered the good times that we had
together.
I started reading the diary and what was written.

The diary was started with the day we first met. I
read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him
saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I
was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell
me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet
and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted
to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say
anything. It told of when he went to New York and
fell in love with another. How the happiest time he
had was seeing me and dancing with me at the
wedding. He said he imagined it was our
wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had
no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best
time in his life was to read the letters written to
him
by me. Finally, the diary ended when it
said, "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day
he was killed.The day I was going to finally find out
what was really in his heart.

If you love someone, don't wait till tomorrow to tell
him/her. Maybe that next day will never come at
all